Some days are harder that others. The resistance feels greater. Obstacles loom larger. Hope is diminished.
You can fight it. Maybe get pissed off then mold that surge of angry energy into a sort of jackhammer to break through the metaphoric brick wall.
It works sometimes.
But sometimes the jackhammer bounces off the wall and turns you into the mole in a game of whack-a-mole.
One of my minor battles has been trying to learn WordPress. When I say ‘trying to learn’, what I really mean is that I’m nagging myself about learning it so no one thinks I’m a complete loser for obviously not know what the hell I’m doing. I mean, how hard can it be to work with a freaking template?
I berate myself, threaten, and cajole. Whatever I think will work. So far, I’ve been unsuccessful. Persuasion has never been a strong suit. Especially when I don’t really want to do something.
And I don’t want to do this blog. It’s scary to put yourself “out there” and working on this can be time consuming. I believe that my shame of creating a lousy looking, illogically-structured site, and the frustration of not understanding how to work with the interface would somehow prevent me from writing posts, thus avoiding the deeper fears of revealing too much and setting myself up for ridicule. That subconscious tactic has been effective for a few years now.
But something in me shifted recently. I stopped trying to convince myself. I stopped letting superficial concerns keep me from writing. I laid down the law, so to speak. I’m doing the blog no matter how terrible it is, no matter how little I understand about blogging or using WordPress.
The funny thing is that I’m finally beginning to go through the WordPress tutorials to get a grip on this interface. I’ve stopped resisting. This train has left the station and will continue moving forward whether or not I continue kicking and screaming.